"Hands down I'm too proud for love
But with eyes shut it's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B It can't be up to me
Cause you don't know who I was before you
Basically to see a change in me
I'd be losing so I just ignore you, yeah" - Drake, Little Bit feat. Lykke Li
I honestly can't stop thinking about her. I feel fine sometimes and then my mind wanders... I think about everything. The good and the bad that happened. Our friendship and our relationship. Where did we go wrong? I honestly do not want to lose her in my life, but I feel like I already did. I do still want to help her move. I do still want to see her before I leave...I don't know. There are still so many unanswered questions and so many things left unsaid. From what I hear, she wants nothing to do with me and I understand because she is upset, she is sad, she's hurting. I just hope one day we can grow and get past this. Our problem was that we were each other. We are the same person. I know it may sound crazy but I feel like we are. The only problem was that she is me when I was 19 years old. I have experienced alot and dealt with stuff that she has not. Don't get me wrong, she has gone through things in her life and she has some experience, but she still has growing to do. I am not saying that I am perfect. I still have growing to do, but maybe we couldn't see eye to eye because we are in two different mindsets. I look at her and I see myself when I was 19 and it scares me because I have evolved into this confident person that is secure with himself. I was happy and finally ok with myself. I feel that when I was with her, I was regressing back to my old self. I felt that I was losing touch with this person that I had grown to be...I love her, I do and I did this for the both of us. I didn't want us both to keep being upset at each other to the point that we end up hating each other. I have nothing but love for her ....I don't know where to go from here...I am just still sitting lost in my thoughts :-/
- SF
ok see you know what.. i told you that before you even got with me.. i told you about our age difference... but you were so determined to make us work..
ReplyDeleteare you saying you wish you were still gay? can that you dont like the changes that you made for me?
i said ALL of this to you. and you chose NOW to realize it at MY expense? i told you i felt like i would only be holding you back if we got together. do you remember that?
you say you did this for us but it was against my will.
i can't just be your friend. i can't do it.
There's nothing I can say...
ReplyDeleteI never said that I had a problem with the changes that I made and I never said I wished I was still gay...
...I had a problem with the fact that I just dont feel that I understand you anymore and you don't understand me and neither is willing to put their pride aside. I feel that I have done alot of pushing my pride aside, but my side in this issue, I feel strongly about. I don't know what else to say...
everytime i read this it makes me even more mad.
ReplyDeletestephon... you said you felt you were regressing back to the person you were before.
aka i impacted you negatively.
what is your side of this issue? i don't even know. if your side is that we shouldn't be together and you feel strongly about that then it is what it is.
i'm NOT gonna beg for you back.
i don't know what you want from me!
how do you think i feel after all i went through to be with you, after all we went through to be with each other and its all over? you know i must feel horrible especially thinking it was because of something i wrote. i understand you are mad about that I WOULD BE TOO but I am remorseful and my apology don't mean SHIT to you. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?
WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO FROM HERE?
You aren't giving me any options. all we keep doing is typing shit to each other that isn't getting us ANYWAY but down.
I'm done with this shit. I really am.
There's nothing left for me to do.
AND NO I can't be your friend. I can't just do that. It's too hard Poppie I really can't.
I'm just going to think of how it was.. and how it will never be like that again.
I understand you. And I DO see where you are coming from. But I don't know what else to do or say. Be straight up and tell me exactly what you want.