Torn...

"I’m torn between what was and what could be."

I don't know who said this but I think it speaks to what I am feeling at this present moment. I love her, I truly do. It's so weird sleeping in my bed alone now. I see her today and no interaction. My phone so silent because I am not gettin a text or a call from Baby. That shit hurt.


I didn't know what to do anymore. I felt that our relationship was spiraling into a sea of negativity. She's been writing stuff saying the she's effed up and stuff. I do not blame her. Our relationship was a decision that we came to mutually and the problems that we had involved both parties. I don't think that it is all her fault. I definitely had a part to play but that was the problem. The things that I was faulted for, I honestly couldn't see how I was wrong? The stuff she claimed about me, she couldn't stop and see my side. She says given me chance after chance and I will admit she has, but what she did, I don't think I have ever took it that far. To have someone who says they love you and care about you write things about your personal sexual past online for anyone to see and stuff that I told you with the love we have I thought I could trust her. I never thought she would do that. The funny thing is if I did something like that to her, I truly wonder what she would have done to me? What she did, showed me a side of her character that maybe I was not strong enough or man enough to handle. That hurt me so bad. You've given me chance after chance but I don't think I have done anything to that level to you...


...Where do we go from here? I don't know. I want to be her friend. I wonder if I made a mistake now. I miss her. I do. I miss holding her, kissing her, her warm beautiful smile and those beautiful brown eyes that I got lost in. A mutual friend said she wished we had talked before this decision was made and I do now, but I don't think she'll ever want to talk to me again. I miss u. I miss us. I miss our friendship and our love...


"When you love someone,





And you love them with your heart,





It never disappears,





When you're apart.





And when you love someone





And you've done all you can do,





You set them free,





And if that love was true...





When you love someone





It will all come back to you."
-- Forget Paris











...Maybe one day, Poppie <3